Didn't your mother ever tell you sugar is bad for your teeth?

Clearly someone dropped the ball in telling Mitch Albom that. He should seriously think about finding a new dentist, because it's a wonder that he's not scary denture guy with the saccharine stuff he writes. I just finished his most recent book, The Five People You Meet In Heaven, and I came dangerously close to a diabetic coma. I realize I'm supposed to find his book morally uplifting and charming, but I guess I haven't quite let go of the rebellious teenager in me who says, "Oh, gross."

The plot (such as it is) follows an amusement park maintenance worker named Eddie after he dies attempting to save a young girl from a collapsing ride. Eddie moves through heaven, meeting the titular five people who help him come to terms with his life and death. Interspersed throughout are small vignettes of various birthdays Eddie celebrated (or not) during his life.

I think part of why I found this book so ham-handed is that if you're going to consider the weighty issues of regret and the search for life's meaning, you need to treat them with some depth, not a glossed-over, self-help-style surface analysis that fails to reach even 200 pages. I must admit, however, that I would have given up in disgust if it had run very much longer. So much of the book is obvious from a mile off, and the big revelation at the end takes the form of "Well, duh!" to any reader that paid any attention whatsoever. The emotional payoff amounts to nothing more than the statement that love is powerful and good. With this level of depth, I'm fulling expecting Albom's next book to feature such shocking pronouncements as "War is bad," "Puppies are cute," and "2 + 2 = 4".

As my friend Babs said to me recently, "I like reading books where I learned something. It makes me feel like I got something out of it." I heartily concur, and that's why I'm forced to denounce this particular tome. I learned nothing, and I almost vomited from all the sugar.